* To Laugh With Mother One More Time

This week marks the third anniversary of my mother's diagnosis of colon cancer. After diagnosis, she lived about two and a half months. The end for her was painful. For us, it was devastating to watch. Each year at this time, I struggle. I dread the anniversary of her death and I have to really watch it or I will descend into gloom and doom.

I don't think she'd mind if I share some funny times we had and I'd like you to know her a little better. If this turns you off, I apologize, but I need to write about it.

My mother was adopted as a several months old baby. (Old enough to pull up on the side of the baby bed.) I posted some of this on FB on Mother's Day, please, bear with me. There were only two babies in the Baptist Children's Village the day my grandparents came to "pick out their baby." The story goes that my mother pulled her self up and smiled at them and that did it!

My grandfather died when Mother was 12 and my grandmother went to work as the bookkeeper at the Coca Cola plant in Sardis, MS for the rest of her life. They didn't have a car, walked everywhere, and were "salt of the earth" people.

Mother was quite the "looker" and married my father when she was only 18. I was always very proud of her, she was young, pretty and funny. She was a "lioness" type mother...very protective of her cubs, but she never covered for us or let us get away with anything. She made us own up to anything we did wrong and because of that I have always had a very active conscience.

She and I "fussed" about things and now I can't even remember what they were about, but I always knew she loved me..no matter what. She instilled in me the notion that mothers love, no matter what. (You don't have to approve of the child's actions, but you don't withdraw love.)

Once when she was so sick near the end of her life, we had to go to chemo. We were told that it would make her last days bearable, so we agreed to try it. If there was any pain whatsoever, "we'd stop it right then" was the promise. Because of her extensive surgery, she had a number of tubes, etc and she sent me out to get her something to wear that would cover her extra hardware. I searched everywhere for something appropriate. Finally I found a long day dress that I thought was the best choice and I brought it home to help her dress for the appointment. She was sitting up, putting on makeup! "Mother, you've been in the hospital for 30 days and in rehab for 3 weeks and you are worried about your makeup?" I could not believe it. She looked at me and said, "I'm going looking the best I possibly can. Let me see what you found for me to wear." I took the dress out of the sack and her eyes got big and she quipped, "If you think I'm going in something that looks like I should be in a third world country, you are mighty wrong!"

Ok, that outfit obviously wasn't going to work. So we put on her gown and her robe and off we went to the Hederman Clinic. I have never done a lot of wheelchair pushing so we knew we were in trouble from the git go. First I accidentally ran into the giant ficus tree at the entrance to the clinic. I heard a "crack" but I didn't look back to see the damage. Then we sideswiped the corner trying to maneuver into the testing room. The worst was when I tried to push the wheelchair into a crowded elevator and had everyone trying to give me instructions as to how to properly handle the chair. Mother's head was down with her hand shading her eyes. I won't go into the handicapped bathroom episode, but let's just say, when we finally got into the car, I could see obvious relief on her face. We went straight to Sonic and had a chocolate sundae. (Our answer to all life's problems.) Even in the bad times we laughed.

Once, long before she got sick, we went to Means Shell station in downtown Brandon and decided to have my car washed. We got gas, paid for the wash and then circled into the car wash and sat while we sudsed, rinsed, waxed, and then for some reason, the cycle began again. Ok, so this is a pretty good wash. Hmmm, now we are beginning the third complete cycle, and then the fourth. After sitting in the car wash with all the wands going full force for well over 20 minutes, I said, "You think it's stuck?" Mother said,"I believe it is. Honk your horn." So I began honking, and honking and honking.. I began to panic. What if we were stuck in here all night and nobody could hear us or worse, cared whether we were being drowned or not.

Finally, a man came out and began motioning. "What does he want us to do?" (The washers had started their "round" again.) Mother said," Wait until the washer goes by me and then let down my window. I'll see what he wants." Just as the washer left her side, I let her window down and all of a sudden the washer reversed itself and blasted a jet of soapy water into the car almost drowning Mother! We were soaked. We laughed until I could hardly sit up. We put the window up, straightened up and regally (wet heads and all) drove out right by that man. The very idea!

Once when a lizard got in her car, she wouldn't get into the car unless she had her pants legs rubberbanded around her ankles in case the lizard ran up her leg. I walked to my car one day after school and a note was flapping under my wiper. It read: "You can ride in my car again. I killed the lizard. It was on the dash and I got out at Burger King parking lot and smashed him with my purse." I had a vision of this lady with her pants rubberbanded around her ankles, frantically smashing a lizard with her purse and everyone staring and wondering, "What the heck?"

She was a great woman with a wonderful sense of humor and I know many of you who read this have lost your own mothers. I know you would join me in saying to all you fortunate ones who still have your moms, love them now and let them know you love them. No matter what has transpired between you, make it right (even if "you didn't do anything wrong.") And if you didn't have the type mom described here, there is some older woman in your life to love right now. Let them know how much they have meant to you. Do it and do it soon.

Thanks for bearing with me through this...love to you all. I will dispense with Lessons Learned. I need to go blow my nose.