* "Mrs. McInnis, You Smell Just Like a Skunk"

What is the deal with the skunks? They are everywhere, waddling to and fro emitting their ghastly (or should I say, gastly) odor in all directions! This morning I inadvertently drove too close to a skunk whose demise must have been pretty new...because my right tire just ever so slightly touched the poor squished animal. All of a sudden that horrible smell filled my car...I couldn't bear it....so I did what any rationally thinking woman would do...I let down both my front windows to let in the fresh air....uh, hello? All that "fresh" air almost suffocated me and I quickly pushed the buttons in the "up" position...Now what? Everywhere I went, it was like a fog surrounded the car and when I arrived at school, everybody & I mean EVERYBODY smelled my arrival.

It reminded me of the time my poor black lab, Molly, who loved everyone, played too close to the black and white "kitty". It was 2:00 A.M. and we were sound asleep and all of a sudden my eyes flew open and I jumped straight out of bed..."Oh, my gosh! There is a skunk in this room," I shrieked.

"What? What is going on?" the poor husband of a nutty wife leapt out of bed, stunned by both the smell and the screaming. I finally located a light and we began the search for the ghost skunk. It honestly was so powerful that I thought I'd be sick. That thing had to be in the house. We opened the back door just in time to see Molly standing there wagging her tail and caught a glimpse of Pepe Le Pew (or however you spell it) waddling away from the garage.

For the rest of the night, I was sick. I could not possibly sleep...I don't sleep well when bathed in Bath and Body Works Lavender Vanilla Nighttime scent, much less when I could be used as a weapon of mass destruction.

The next morning I dressed hurriedly. I was getting out of Dodge..hubby could figure out what to do with the dog. I jumped in the car and headed to school and when I walked in, I still smelled that awful odor. Well, at least it would "get out of my sinuses" soon. Oh, how wrong...I was paying the price for abandoning my better half. I had arrived early in order to have time to gather myself before any early students arrived.

The first boy walked in and I greeted him pleasantly. "Hey, Mrs. Mac! Man, there's a stench in the hall. Smells like a skunk," he cheerfully opined. As the room filled with others, the heat came on and when we closed the door to start class you would have thought that skunk was sitting in one of the desks...and SHE WAS!!! That blasted animal's "skunk juice" or whatever it's called had literally permeated my home and my closets. Everything and everyone in my house smelled like it. What could I do? Where could I hide?

By the time I got home that afternoon, I was almost faint from the smell. Hubby was bathing Molly in tomato juice. I told him to give me a can. "For what?" he looked shocked. "I'm going to take a bath now, too," I snapped. To make matters worse, this occurred right before my whole family came to my house for the holidays...but by the time they arrived there was only a trace of skunkish smell that lingered, but I did learn two lessons that day: 1. You can't hide from skunk juice and 2. Whatever you do, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT try to mask the stench with Estee Lauder's Beautiful perfume. Skunk juice can not be neutralized with anything that smells even remotely lovely.... even tomato juice. Ugh...