* A Most Shocking Tale (Or Tail)

Ah, yes the season of....static electricity approacheth. For some unexplainable reason, I have always attracted static electricity like a magnet. I can't remember all the technical nuances of the phenomenon but I DO know that ever since I was a little girl, during the Fall and Winter I sparkled every time I touched almost anything.

My poor fine hair would to this day stand straight on end if not for the gallons of hairspray used during my life. (I should have bought stock in Pantene years ago.) As a child, my mother would perm the ever loving fire out of my hair to make it behave. (Note my blog picture.)

If a boy that I really liked asked me out for a date the evening would go something like this. I really really wanted to go, but I knew that dating during the winter for a sparkler like me, was a dangerous proposition at best. If he were to hold my hand, sparks (electrical NOT romantic) would fly. If I touched something in the car, it looked like I had a magic fairy wand at the tips of my fingers. So I was perplexed as to whether to say yes or no to the invitation. Well, of course, I said "Yes." And the long evening began. I tried my best not to get too close to anything...especially Romeo. I wore a coat with front pockets and kept my hands hidden all night. (That was sure encouraging to him.) My clothing clung to me, my hands were weapons and if I moved across the seat to exit the car, oh, my! Can you even begin to imagine what would happen if a good night kiss was in order? "Oh, sorry, but I can't kiss in the winter."

Well, to the point of this latest chapter of insanity in my life. Last weekend I was very well organized. I accomplished a great deal Saturday and the one thing I was most proud of was doing all the grocery shopping alone so that my poor tired husband could watch every single ballgame on every single channel on Dish network from dawn to dusk. I noticed that "the season" had begun because the second I entered Wal Mart and the automatic doors opened when I reached for the buggy, it shocked the begebbers out of me. Uh, oh. Mental note...watch all metal...and since there is so little metal in Wal Mart that would only mean I had to be on constant guard every second for the next hour. Try reaching back into the METAL shelf to get the last large can of Bush's Baked Beans located in the outer reaches of space and then drawing your arm back over the metal and touching your buggy. A little child squealed, "Oh, look Mommy! That funny old lady just jumped real high and lightening came out of her hands!"

Anyhoo, I was trying something new while shopping...I wasn't wearing my reading glasses. (I had actually left them in the car and I didn't have the stamina to walk back out to get them.) So I was pretty well flying by the seat of my pants...sparks and all. I needed detergent and Tide cost too much so I noticed on one of the endcaps there was a display of Gain. Better price, new packaging...I went for the Gain. To get this story to The End, all week long we washed clothes, enjoyed the greatest softness ever and had absolutely NO static cling or electricity. The clothes did, however, have a certain limp look to them that I didn't recognize. But boy, Gain was absolutely the BOMB as far as softness and anti cling!

Wednesday evening, Chicken Daddy, came out of the laundry room with his glasses down on his nose. He peered at me and said,"Wanna know why our clothes have been so soft this week?" He didn't have to tell me, I knew I had made a fantastic choice of detergent. "Why?" "Because you bought Gain Fabric Softener NOT detergent! I wondered why my practice socks looked like they hadn't been washed! " We had washed at least 8 loads of laundry without ANY soap only capsful of fabric softener. No wonder everyone asked me what that odd smell was every time they came into my office this week. Polyester + Gain Fabric Softener - Detergent = Ewwwww!