Yesterday I received some very troubling news. My co-worker returned from the teachers' workroom with our School Day Pictures. Oh, my gosh! I thought she had gotten my packet mixed up with somebody else.
Last year, for the first time in my school career, I did not have my pictures made. I wondered what would happen if I didn't, but since they renewed my contract even without the requisite portrait, I thought I had really pulled a fast one. This year, I had lost 5 pounds, so I felt better about having my likeness snapped. I must have been out of my mind. When I looked at the proof on the front of the package, that was bad enough, but when I pulled out the full color rendition, I almost hit the floor. Who on earth is that creepy little old lady?! She was kind of "hunkered" down and looked like someone had come up behind her and scared the liver out of her.
It was totally the photographer's fault. He was in a hurry and he didn't give me the proper time to position myself correctly. As you age, you learn to present your best "face forward", but it requires a certain amount of contortion. Head must be held high, but not high enough for double chin to be prominent. A tilt of the head sometimes disguises certain features and makes earrings gently sway. Smile, but not too widely....old lips might disappear from view. Shoulders up (but not if wearing shoulder pads) you look like the team fullback. Never do a full front face shot unless you are prepared for the old bulldog look.
My contorting had just gotten into full swing, when "flash" it was over.
"Next," the quick on the trigger photog shouted.
"What? I was not quite ready, " I muttered.
"Oh, look, it's a great picture," he replied, "next person come on."
I said, "Look, I wasn't ready."
I know what he was thinking, "Lady, you wouldn't be ready if Whistler was painting a picture instead of me using this digital camera."
So I aimlessly walked back to the library. I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be too bad, until yesterday when I came face to face with reality. They have do overs for everything else in the world, wonder if they'll let me in to try again on Make Up picture day?