Yesterday I received some very troubling news. My co-worker returned from the teachers' workroom with our School Day Pictures. Oh, my gosh! I thought she had gotten my packet mixed up with somebody else.
Last year, for the first time in my school career, I did not have my pictures made. I wondered what would happen if I didn't, but since they renewed my contract even without the requisite portrait, I thought I had really pulled a fast one. This year, I had lost 5 pounds, so I felt better about having my likeness snapped. I must have been out of my mind. When I looked at the proof on the front of the package, that was bad enough, but when I pulled out the full color rendition, I almost hit the floor. Who on earth is that creepy little old lady?! She was kind of "hunkered" down and looked like someone had come up behind her and scared the liver out of her.
It was totally the photographer's fault. He was in a hurry and he didn't give me the proper time to position myself correctly. As you age, you learn to present your best "face forward", but it requires a certain amount of contortion. Head must be held high, but not high enough for double chin to be prominent. A tilt of the head sometimes disguises certain features and makes earrings gently sway. Smile, but not too widely....old lips might disappear from view. Shoulders up (but not if wearing shoulder pads) you look like the team fullback. Never do a full front face shot unless you are prepared for the old bulldog look.
My contorting had just gotten into full swing, when "flash" it was over.
"Next," the quick on the trigger photog shouted.
"What? I was not quite ready, " I muttered.
"Oh, look, it's a great picture," he replied, "next person come on."
I said, "Look, I wasn't ready."
I know what he was thinking, "Lady, you wouldn't be ready if Whistler was painting a picture instead of me using this digital camera."
So I aimlessly walked back to the library. I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be too bad, until yesterday when I came face to face with reality. They have do overs for everything else in the world, wonder if they'll let me in to try again on Make Up picture day?
9 comments:
Too funny-i think you are WAY to critical of yourself, bet you're still pretty and cute!
{understand fully though-i get physically ill when i'm photographed. Blech.}
I'm glad somebody else does besides me! Reality hurts.
My reaction was exactly the same! Im just glad I retrieved them before they ended up plastered all over the school!!
If anyone ever really wants to hurt me, that's the way....oooohhhhh, posted all over the place. "Hubby, open the fireplace doors, I need to burn something!"
Angela:
You always seem to forget the "World Class" Photographer right in your own backyard.
LV,
from "World Class" you-know-who - -
Dad
Exactly -- you grew up being photographed by the best -- no one else's work compares. Just like no other cleaners I've ever used has been as good as the Spotless, all others' work fails to hit the target. I treasure all of the kindergarten and other photographs I have with the stamp on the back "Photo by Alexander" -- as well as all of the yearbook pictures.
I was looking at an old annual the other night...you are right, Julie...you could pick out his photos a mile away!! And you are also right about the cleaners...there will NEVER be one like the Spotless in Grenada! We come from good stock!!
If this was your first year for that to happen, then you're pretty lucky. I've never really had a good school picture, but the one from 2008-2009 was the worst I've ever seen. When I pulled it from the packet, I thought, "Well, wonder no more, I really do have a brain tumor causing all of those headaches, and my eyes have gone WILD!" It looked so bad that I didn't even go close to the picture line last year. However, this year I got brave again, so we'll see how it turns out. Although we haven't received ours yet, I cannot imagine much improvement.
Oh, Anonymous, I soooo sympathize and feel your pain. I think we should be allowed to bring any picture we want to go in the annual...no matter what the age and then let people guess who it is!
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