* Alfred E. Neuman: What Me Worry?

Do you remember what it was like to get out of the bed and not have to "steady" yourself before you took a step? This morning I thought I had stepped on something sharp like a straight pin, but when I checked it was just my old feet hurting like everything. I have found that if you stretch while still reclining, it's easier. It may not be as effective, but stretching while standing is a real bone crusher nowadays.

Do you remember what it was like to NOT have to be concerned about watching where you are going when walking? The last time I didn't watch, I landed spread eagle on the sidewalk at the Jackson Mississippi zoo. I had taken my grandchildren for a fun filled morning of animal viewing. (You know my deep love of all things wild, so you can imagine my horror when I had to admit to people that the reason for my scraped nose, chipped front tooth and bruised and battered hands was that I was trying to "make the zoo train" that chugs its way around the zoo.) The sidewalk suddenly came up to meet my face and I felt like I was in a slo-mo movie. I thought I'd never hit the ground, but boy when I hit, I HIT. Because of this "minor" injury, I have had two root canals and I am now the proud owner of a gap in between my front teeth that makes Alfred E. Neuman look like Carey Grant. (Google Alfred if you don't know of whom I am speaking.)

And when was the last time you could actually read without having those disgusting reading glasses on the bridge of your nose? When I was growing up I swore that I'd NEVER wear those ridiculous things. They make you look like Cruella looking down her nose at a peasant. Well, guess who is the proud owner of at least 20 pair? (Joy Mangano on HSN has designer colors.)
But I draw the line at that rope thing around your neck. That is just the pits...even if I spend all day searching for the glasses. After cataract surgery, I gained my far sight but lost all mid range and up close vision. I can spot a fly 1/2 mile away but if you walk up to me and I look puzzled it's because I am trying to decide if you are my sister, my friend, the little girl who owes me $5 in book fines in the library or is it myself and I'm looking in a mirror? No warbling "When We Gather At the River" in church if I forget my glasses. And husband and I regularly "fight" over glasses to read the menu in a restaurant. (His head stretches my glasses and I don't allow him to borrow my Joy Mangano's .)

Tonight at Bible study group, women close to my age were discussing things they'd like to do before they got too old. One woman said she'd like to zip line. What?! Did I hear that correctly? Zip Line..? What is she thinking? What about a broken you know what? A hip??? Zipline=hip replacement possibility...no, thanks not for me. (Personally, I wouldn't have wanted to do that when I was young and impetuous...much less now.) Me, Tarzan, You, Jane...no way.

Another woman wanted to go riding through the Florida everglades in some kind of boat...you know, get to see things like crocodiles up close and personal. Who is she kidding? (And she reads this blog...you know who you are!!) My idea of fun is certainly not cavorting with the likes of something that could make a meal of you in two bites...oh, ok maybe three. What are they thinking? These are the things women want to do before they get too old?

Not me. Here is my list of MOST WANT TO Do's before I go into the great beyond:

1. Have a pedicure, (And I do NOT want those flesh eating fish anywhere near me) put on sandals and be able to lift my head and walk comfortably for more than 7 feet.

2. I want to buy one piece of McCarty or Peter's Pottery without looking at the price tag and silently figuring how many diet Dr. Pepper's I'd have to give up to pay for the acquisition.

3. I would like to have a whole day when I could see without any type of glasses!

4. I would like to be able to sing the National Anthem at a ballgame so beautifully that I would bring the crowd to their feet, all the while chanting, "Angela, Angela, Angela"...I can dream, can't I? Of course, the crowd should already be on its feet...it IS the National Anthem. So maybe another tune.

5. I would like to have my whole family in a formal dining room for one perfect meal and everybody would be healthy, happy and really glad to see each other.

6. I would love to see the leaves turn into their autumn colors in the mountains. (Heck, I'd even take going to Duck Hill for the day during fall!)

7. I would love to see my grandchildren marry and have wonderful, loving marriages. (I'm still debating whether I'd like to be a great grandmother.)

8. I would love to build a studio where I could REALLY be a full-time artist...I just know that's all that's holding me back....

9. I would like, for just a day, to be 32 again. Ah, that was a very good year! No extra pounds, no cataracts, no aching feet...I'd really enjoy the day just being, well...32!

10. What I really need to do before I lose all my marbles is TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT AND BE SATISFIED WITH WHAT I ALREADY HAVE!!!

So if you see me walking slowly, head down looking at potential stumbling blocks, don't pity me! I really do have all I need...a husband, a wonderful family, food on the table, a job, a house, a church family, faithful and true friends and a sudden realization that I'm blessed beyond measure! If you stop and think, we really all are!!