I am a little hesitant to post this blog today. Because my husband does the grocery shopping, I might sound a tad ungrateful. So it is with a slightly faint heart that I post (aka: rant) here.
Because he coaches both football and track, he is gone most of the time from August until November and then from February until May. So in order to "help" me, he grocery shops and does the laundry!! I hate grocery shopping. I would rather take a busload of 13 year old boys on a field trip to a deer processing plant than go to Wal Mart and grocery shop. So I am truly appreciative of his efforts, however, his method of grocery shopping drives me over the edge. I mean it.
First, anyone who knows him knows that he refuses to use a cell phone. Who in the universe does NOT use a cell phone? I mean "Really"! If I need him (and this drives all the other coaches around the bend too), I have to call one of them and then he has to call me back ON THEIR PHONE. If he uses a cell phone he still has to ask which button to push to end the conversation. Oh, please, green means GO and red means STOP. This is a man who risks life and limb every day teaching fifteen year olds how to drive on the interstate! If I stay on the phone long enough I can always hear him on the other end saying, "Now which button do I push to turn this thing off?" As usual, I digress. Every week I make out a list of specific items. Brand, size and in the order in which they appear in the store..every detail BECAUSE if I don't, what happens is unbelievable.
A while back, I dutifully made out the list. I was having a gathering at my house, and I needed whipping cream so that I could make whipped cream to top my dessert. How difficult is that request? A pint of whipping cream..."Oh, would you like to take my phone in case there is a problem with one of the items on the list?" I asked. "Oh, no, the list looks ok," he says confidently. "Are you CERTAIN you don't want my cell phone?" I implore. "NO! (& this is his favorite quote) I've lived 61 years without a cell phone and I can live 61 more without one!"
Oh, really? 122 years without a cell phone, I don't think so.
Grocery shopping done, car pulls into garage, I know what is coming. Unusually high number of bags are placed on the counter. Eggs, check. Cereal, check, bread, bananas, ok. Then it begins...quart of whole milk; quart of 2% milk; quart of skim milk; can of sweetened condensed milk; spray container of Redi Whip; 2 tubs of Cool Whip (with and without fat); carton of Half and Half...need I say more? I look at him, he says, "I wasn't sure which kind of whipped cream you wanted, so I just got some of everything." Grocery budget for the week: $85 Amount spent: $110. BUT we saved a trip back to the store.
PS: It took us the rest of the month for me to find enough recipes to use up all that milk. But, because I see the glass of milk half full rather than half empty, I found an upside to the excessive milk I consumed. I was having a bone density test a short while later, it really pushed my numbers in the right direction!
Lessons to be learned:
1. BEFORE you marry, make sure your fiance can use a cell phone properly.
2. The week of a party at your house throw out everything in the refrigerator so you will have plenty of room for the refreshments and all the "wrong" things purchased to save a trip back to the store.
3. Put your big girl drawers on and do the shopping yourself!!
13 comments:
too, too funny!!!!
LOL! Bless his heart!
too funny..my husband doesn't text..all he wants from a cell phone is...open to say Hello and talk and then close to hang up..he doesn't like all of this new stuff he says..but he ask me to text so and so..he needs to learn how to do stuff on his own phone..haha..
That is so funny! THAT is precisely why I do all of our food shopping-although my husband has, and is addicted to, a cell phone(even works for Verizon), he calls and calls and CALLS with questions! Therefore saving me no time because I may as well be shopping! Ha! I'm thankful for his willingness, but end up wanting to hurt him-so he continues to do our laundry and I keep him away from the grocery;) So, maybe it is fine your hubby cares not for a phone;)
Angela, you are just awesome! This is so funny and is so true! It truly amazes me too how a husband can come home with the wrong item when I sent after only one, described it, showed him the old container, told him where it would be, etc.! I now just think of it as a game: Let's guess how he messed up again?! lol
Love it Angela. Larry does our grocery shopping and laundry, too. It must be a "nice guy" thing!
LOLOLOLOL!!!...Paul sometimes does the grocery shopping for us, too -- & brings home the wrong things because he doesn't read labels! (e.g., CF DIET coke instead of CF coke -- now since WHEN have I eaten/drunk diet ANYthing?!) I know he CAN read -- or else he got his college degrees via osmosis?.. I don't meant to be unkind to the man; he has many good qualities. He does have a cell phone, a desk computer & a laptop...but he has NEVER done laundry! lol.
Makes me feel soooo much better that others have this problem too. I thought it was only "our" dirty laundry"...but since I've hung it out there publically, maybe we can all unite...maybe raise money to do genetic research on which gene it is that causes this phenomenon. All this time, I thought it was just me...suffering in silence all these years.
Girl, this is just too funny! You have made my day! My hubby will use a phone but like the other girl said he says hello, talks and hangs up. When he went to the phone place he told them he didn't want anything but just that, no camera, text, etc. they laughed at him and told him they all came with all of that but he didn't have to use it. I think it is just the male thing! But we just can't help but love them anyway! :0)
My dear husband hates cell phones too. One day not too long ago I made him take mine with him because he was going to be at the farm working alone. Begrudgingly, he took it. I explained over and over how to work it--finally wrote it down for him. When he returned that night he said "Don't know why I took this stupid thing--I've been calling you all day and you never answered--I could have been lying in a ditch calling you with this stupid cell phone--but it wouldn't have made any difference because you wouldn't answer. I looked at him and calmly asked him to show mw what he did. He said --just what you told me to do--I punched the green button and punched in the numbers--when you didn't answer-I punched the red button. In amazement I said you mean like this? I proceeded to do it the way he said--then I got the paper I hd given him with the instructions--which said-punch the phone number in and then punch the green button--you would have gotten me everytime. Oh he says- OH?? God bless him--when he has the tv remote and sometimes it has to be reset if the batteries get low--he calls me in to fix it and then says--why don't you just show me how and then I won't have to bother you with this. I just simply smile and say I don't mind--I really want to say--do you remember the phone!! However he is agreat cook and loves to do the laundry==so after 36 years--I think I'll keep him!!
Just last week, I saw a father and daughter at the grocery store. I just happened to be right behind them on every aisle. On each aisle, he would call his wife on his cell phone to make sure he was buying the right thing while his daughter was trying to get him to buy things that her mother won't let her normally buy.
It is universal!!! I am so glad I have friends who "suffer" alongside me!
As I was beginning to post my comment I got a mobile-to-mobile from Dave -- who was out and the yard and wanted me to join him. He's an engineer -- he loves gadgets. He also does a lot of our grocery shopping, especially at Sam's, but calls often while he's shopping -- even when I'm out of town. He also occasionally does some laundry, but I try to limit it to his stuff. Years ago while he was still in the Air Force, he had to go to Squadron Officers' School at Maxwell AFB and stayed in the temporary quarters. Just before he went he bought a maroon sweat suit. I went down to visit one weekend and discovered he had washed the sweat suit and his white athletic socks in the same load -- on HOT.
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