I am a mascara aficionado. I love trying new mascaras but I always end up going back to my tried and true Maybelline. Growing up, my friend, Greer's mother always let us curl our eyelashes while we were playing at her house. Thus began my long obsession with keeping my lashes curled and adding mascara. (Everyone else would be playing records and making prank phone calls except me. I'd be sitting at Mrs. B's dresser curling away.)
Anyhoo, I have a granddaughter who is now 10. She is precious, however, she and I usually go "toe to toe" and "eyeball to eyeball" (lashes curled) several times a week. (These confrontations used to be daily, but we've cut it down to weekly now.) Gracie has always been interested in makeup. So one day, when she was 4 or 5, she was sitting on the bathroom floor watching me put on a new purchase. It was a type of "white" mascara that you put on UNDER your regular mascara to give your lashes a "boost". She asked, "What's that white stuff, GuGu?" I said, "Oh, it's just something you put on under your regular mascara to make your eyelashes longer." "Why?" she questioned. "Well, it's just sort of like underwear for your eyelashes. It's supposed to be good for you like wearing underwear is something good for you." "Well, do you wear it every day?" she asked. "If I decide I like the effect I will wear it daily. I don't know yet," I explained. Ok, you see the error of my ways here, don't you? Mentioning underwear? Not a great plan.
Scene cuts to a few days later...Christmas time...lots of hustle and bustle...stores filled to capacity with angry, tired shoppers. Well, we are about to make a boatload of Big Lot shoppers come unglued!
Sweet Gracie and I enter Big Lots in Brandon, MS. We do our shopping and get in the check out line...which is, btw, a very long line...lots and lots of people. Now sometimes I have to remind Gracie to "use her indoor voice" and today was no exception. Everyone was weary, you could see it on their faces, and it was unusually quiet in the Big Lots check out line. Gracie wanted this candy and that box of Kleenex and some gum. "No", I answered softly. After the third or fourth "No", my jaw tightened and my head began to pound. (I bet you thought I was going to say my head began to spin around like Linda Blair's.) The directive "No" has never set well with Gracie, and she was her ever vigiliant self. She kept asking questions and begging for this and that. Finally GuGu had had just about enough and I snapped, "Stop talking so loud, and don't ask for another thing. Santa Claus is watching you!" A hush fell upon the crowd. GuGu had laid down the law. Everyone waited to hear what was coming next. Gracie, in her best OUTDOOR voice, clearly said, "Ok! But GuGu, did you remember to wear your underwear today?"
Nobody moved a muscle (except to move away from my direction). I felt the burning eyes of everyone in Big Lots boring holes through me. Why this poor little girl has a GuGu who sometimes forgets to wear her underwear! My face was red as Santa's hat. But on the outside I was cool as a cucumber. I smiled and replied, "Why I certainly did remember. Thank you for reminding me." I made the split second decision not to even try to explain she was referring to my "underwear" mascara. I paid and left Big Lots with my head held high and my lashes slightly wilted...what else could I do?
Lessons Learned:
1. When talking to young children NEVER refer to any undergarments that you may (or may not) be wearing.
2. Do NOT, under any circumstances, shop at Big Lots with children at Christmas (or, if you can avoid it ) any other day of the year.
3. If you and I are ever conversing in the Brandon Big Lots, don't be alarmed when the staff points and snickers, I have a reputation there.
13 comments:
I thought I was going to explode with laughter before I got to the end of the story. There is nothing else like a child's innocent comments to keep us humble -- and afraid to show our faces in Big Lots. Don't you know that was the dinner table discussion in a lot of households that night!! Julie
Don't ever tell them something that they need to keep to themselves..That will never happen..I have a granddaughter who very nosey and wants to know everything..They can be a handful at times..But we just got to love them no matter what they say or do...
That was sooooo funny!!! You need to print these out and put in a notebook. I just can't wait to see if you tie in the story with the water gun and the "old lady". Love ya and keep em coming!!!
My grandson who is 5 recently asked me what I was doing while I was applying mascara. I told him I was trying to look more beautiful, and then asked "do you think I look more beautiful?" He answered, "No, not really 'cause your skin is like really old." I haven't asked for his input again!
Amen, Sistas.
Mrs. McInnis, this made me laugh out loud. Love it. My grandmother and I also went "toe to toe" most of my life and sometimes still do! But what a wonderful relationship to have! She and I are very close and at 25 and living in another state I still call her every few days to chat. Relationships like this make me smile! :)
What a HOOT!!! Love it! And thanks for my 1st lesson for future (I hope) grandmotherhood, Angela! ...You r right, Julie, great "fodder" for dinner table discussions, too!...Hahaha, Pat, that's a good one, too!
Love this story! Gotta watch what you say to kids for sure!! I so remember Greer putting on mascara while driving at all the red lights:)
Angela--your Gracie is beautiful!! Yes--I can see you now sitting at Mother's dressing table curling your eyelashes--as I got older I loved to do that too. And yes, Mary I surely did apply mascara and eyeliner while at red lights and sometimes not at red lights. Jusr ask Beth--she told my girls that and they laughed at said that actually they had done the same thing. Hmmm--the apple doesn't fall from the tree!!
What are red lights for? You mean that's NOT their purpose?
Oh Angela---I just never knew you were this funny!! Emily, Melinda , and I were laughing at Mamas the other day!! We were talking about your pressure washing posts on FB! Please keep the stories coming---like I said I will never look at Greer again without laughing! Thanks for the laugh this morning!
My little cousin, after having been sick & had to have suppositories, asked my aunt in the check out line @ the grocery store:" Mama, you aren't going to put those "sticks" up my booty, are you?" She was 2 or 3... Can't wait to see how Andie is going to embarrass us!
BTW, Gracie is looking more like you!
Ya'll are all a hoot!!
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