I am a mascara aficionado. I love trying new mascaras but I always end up going back to my tried and true Maybelline. Growing up, my friend, Greer's mother always let us curl our eyelashes while we were playing at her house. Thus began my long obsession with keeping my lashes curled and adding mascara. (Everyone else would be playing records and making prank phone calls except me. I'd be sitting at Mrs. B's dresser curling away.)
Anyhoo, I have a granddaughter who is now 10. She is precious, however, she and I usually go "toe to toe" and "eyeball to eyeball" (lashes curled) several times a week. (These confrontations used to be daily, but we've cut it down to weekly now.) Gracie has always been interested in makeup. So one day, when she was 4 or 5, she was sitting on the bathroom floor watching me put on a new purchase. It was a type of "white" mascara that you put on UNDER your regular mascara to give your lashes a "boost". She asked, "What's that white stuff, GuGu?" I said, "Oh, it's just something you put on under your regular mascara to make your eyelashes longer." "Why?" she questioned. "Well, it's just sort of like underwear for your eyelashes. It's supposed to be good for you like wearing underwear is something good for you." "Well, do you wear it every day?" she asked. "If I decide I like the effect I will wear it daily. I don't know yet," I explained. Ok, you see the error of my ways here, don't you? Mentioning underwear? Not a great plan.
Scene cuts to a few days later...Christmas time...lots of hustle and bustle...stores filled to capacity with angry, tired shoppers. Well, we are about to make a boatload of Big Lot shoppers come unglued!
Sweet Gracie and I enter Big Lots in Brandon, MS. We do our shopping and get in the check out line...which is, btw, a very long line...lots and lots of people. Now sometimes I have to remind Gracie to "use her indoor voice" and today was no exception. Everyone was weary, you could see it on their faces, and it was unusually quiet in the Big Lots check out line. Gracie wanted this candy and that box of Kleenex and some gum. "No", I answered softly. After the third or fourth "No", my jaw tightened and my head began to pound. (I bet you thought I was going to say my head began to spin around like Linda Blair's.) The directive "No" has never set well with Gracie, and she was her ever vigiliant self. She kept asking questions and begging for this and that. Finally GuGu had had just about enough and I snapped, "Stop talking so loud, and don't ask for another thing. Santa Claus is watching you!" A hush fell upon the crowd. GuGu had laid down the law. Everyone waited to hear what was coming next. Gracie, in her best OUTDOOR voice, clearly said, "Ok! But GuGu, did you remember to wear your underwear today?"
Nobody moved a muscle (except to move away from my direction). I felt the burning eyes of everyone in Big Lots boring holes through me. Why this poor little girl has a GuGu who sometimes forgets to wear her underwear! My face was red as Santa's hat. But on the outside I was cool as a cucumber. I smiled and replied, "Why I certainly did remember. Thank you for reminding me." I made the split second decision not to even try to explain she was referring to my "underwear" mascara. I paid and left Big Lots with my head held high and my lashes slightly wilted...what else could I do?
1. When talking to young children NEVER refer to any undergarments that you may (or may not) be wearing.
2. Do NOT, under any circumstances, shop at Big Lots with children at Christmas (or, if you can avoid it ) any other day of the year.
3. If you and I are ever conversing in the Brandon Big Lots, don't be alarmed when the staff points and snickers, I have a reputation there.