The past few weeks have NOT been good ones. I must admit, I tried to keep a stiff upper lip through it all, but that's just not cutting it anymore. Let me recount for you.
It began a Sunday or two ago with my 84 year old father saying that he didn't recognize the "little old lady" getting HIS laundry basket out of MY car...lo and behold it was little ole me! Then he advised me to dye my hair. Strike one.
Then some old (and I say that kindly) friends dropped by the shop and in the conversation one friend mused that she would have never recognized me. Well, what can I say? It HAS been 45 years since I last saw her. However, I WOULD have recognized her right away. Now, this means that either she hasn't changed very much or I look like an 18 Wheeler has hit me. That was strike two for the week.
Now for strike 3. As I sat with the frozen vegetable pack on my bum knee, trying my best to get the swelling to go down so I could limp to work on Saturday, I caught a glimpse of my hands. I've always had bad cuticles but on the good side, I've had great strong nails...that's the problem, I use them for things like turning screws when a screwdriver isn't handy...but those two items aside..my hands look, well...OLD. And they aren't strong anymore...sort of frail and "veiny". I can't open the pickle jar and have to have help opening locks on some doors..what's happened?
I'VE BECOME OLD..THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED!!!! Now, I ask you...is old so bad? And now I answer that...YES, it is. Gray hair, a changed face and frail hands. So very NOT me...but now so very me. Tears flow more easily than they used to; pains occur in places I really never noticed I had; and time is spent reflecting on the past...Before "old", I never had much time to reflect. Now reflecting is helpful and reflections (in a mirror)..not so much. I have to admit...I am a little afraid of the future. (I used to charge forth like a warrior...now, I couldn't do any charging except to hand my charge-card to someone.)
I say all that to get to this bottom line...enjoy your youth. Don't waste it on vain and useless pass-times. Old age creeps upon you suddenly and you will take comfort in memories and worthwhile endeavors. Try to cultivate and use your sense of humor, believe me, you will need it! And gray hair? Well, that's something I've been giving some thought to...not sure about that.
Thank you for letting me vent,
4 comments:
Oh my gosh - Angela - the SAME thing happened to me! My sister said I should have said, "Well - good. My "procedure" must have worked!
Angela, Well, I would have recognized you. You are still so beautiful and have a beautiful heart to match. But, I know what you mean. Growing old is the pits. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back at me. In my mind, I think I should look as I did 30 years ago. But, the reality is in the mirror. I had my knee replacement 3weeks ago and am still on a walker. I feel like a little old lady and I think that's how others see me. I keep saying, I don't like this whole cycle of life thing. But it is what it is, I guess. At least I am now and have been blessed abundantly . I try to focus on that.
I must admit that I know what you are talking about...and since I color my hair, I can say that does help my vanity. But the aches and pains? Yuck. From the inside, I think I am thirty (unless my aches and pains are yelling at me). I look at pictures of friends my age and think-when did they get so old? (usually it is their hair color...). But I still wouldn't go back. I like being retired and doing what I want to do (usually).
I really think your outlook will improve when your aches lessen. Splurge on a new hairdo! And know there are many of us out here sympathizing...
I know exactly how you feel! It has hit me like a ton of bricks this last year. I look and feel horrible-and the weight gain from my medicine and inactivity!!! I sure would have tried to enjoy life more if I knew this was the way I would end up! Of course every day it is still wonderful to be alive, but often I am like you-tears at the drop of a hat..
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