Until I Saw A Woman With No Legs...

This is a good morning for reflection.....

 Last week as I waited for physical therapy (grumbling inside because I hurt),

a woman with no legs arrived for her therapy. Enough said.

                               

 As I thought an unkind thought about my husband because he didn't pick up the pillow that had fallen off the front porch rocker during a little wind, he called me to a delicious breakfast he had made.

As I re-visited some heated words my son and I had yesterday at the store,

he motioned for me to come to the back of the auction house

so he could load my purchases.

 I have made a conscious choice to finally release my desire to have a perfect circle of friends and family, a formal dining room, a studio, a log cabin in the woods (or better the mountains), to be thin,

to be young again, have everything go my way....

In doing so,  I have to admit something I have learned....

life is too short to continually re-visit unpleasant events and unfulfilled dreams.

Dreams are ok, as long as they don't obscure the present and make you ungrateful.

My home, the physical house, is what it is. As of May 24, 2012, there will very probably no more chances for "add ons" or complete re-do's...so? Is my life any less blessed? Maybe a bigger, better house would be more comfortable, but hey, this one is paid for. It's in pretty good shape. 

It's infinitely better to live in the moment and be grateful for an abundant life.

Always striving for more is exhausting, folks.

We must do the very best with what we have been graciously given.

 If that means moving around pieces in and outside the house and inside your heart, to make something function better, or paint or repurpose what we have...great...but let's not waste another precious second crying over spilled milk.

Examples of "spilled" milk (aka: what might have been):

*It would be nice to be 5'6" tall and weigh 115 lbs...but it "ain't" happening, (unless when I DO have knee replacement, the doctor agrees to add a 5" dowel in each leg during the operation...and the 115? Haha.)

* It would be great to have a 4,000 sq ft home with every little detail "just right"...but then you'd have to dust all that space...hmmm, small is looking better. 

*Wouldn't we all love a family where every member looks and acts like angels 100% of the time...

is it really necessary to go completely berserk about that tatoo, that long hair, those torn jeans?

(This one is hard for me..I must admit.) 

So for all those out there who have all the things I used to long for...then, lucky fortunate you..

(I'm Presbyterian, we don't believe in luck).

For the rest of us, let's live the remaining years of  life trying to play the hand that has been dealt us in a cheerful, loving way...knowing that we won't always be successful, but at least we can give it our best shot.

Be thankful,  

Old Pale Blue...I Feel Like A Pot Holder

The problem I see with blogs, Pinterest and Etsy is this: IF you have even the tiniest amount of creativity in your genetic background, browsing these sites will force your little brain into Creative overload! When I look at all the things that women design, make and come up with, I forget that it's a collection of everyone in the galaxy, not just a few brilliant bulbs!

While being "laid up" with my formerly bum knee (now it's post-operative bum) I have almost pushed myself to exhaustion just reading all these sites. I haven't slept for more than 3 hours straight since Friday before last. My formerly neat and tidy bed and bedroom looks like an explosion of yarn, fabric and magazines. My husband remarked that our room looked worse than he could ever remember and it made him nervous to enter. (He got into bed, settled down and all of a sudden jumped to a sitting position, pulled something from under the sheets and screamed, "What is this?" Oh, for heaven sakes, it was just a crochet hook...size G.)

My today's project was a selection of pot holders made from yoyo's. (You DID go through the yoyo phase, didn't you?) I sure did and had some already cut into circles from a long ago left over project and they just fit the bill. Inspired by my love of this old pot holder (see "old pale blue" below), I set out on a pot holder Odyssey. First, I crocheted two holders but that just did not scratch the itch. I needed more interaction with something from the outside world. Fabric...oh, wonderful fabric! In addition to my love of note cards and tags, china, and an assorted array of other strange obsessions, I LOVE FABRIC! (I digress.)

I bought this tired, stained old thing at a long-ago shop and loved it for its feedsack and shirting yoyo's. I put it aside and didn't use it for years. Then one day all my pot holders were in the laundry and there she was, looking up at me..."Use me, use me", she begged. And so I did! Have used her ever since. Alas, she has become thread bare, pale and stained...sort of like I feel right now. I decided to make me a new holder, not to take her place, but to help out in emergency situations. (Wink, wink)

Introducing "her newness" ...all hot to trot...newest fabric and smashing colors!

 Even though I like her, I don't yet LOVE her.

So I decided to push further, which is hard to do when you are in the bed most of the time.

 I limped forward and made a few potholders for my Etsy shop (amcinnisartworks).

They look so fresh and new. Not tired and pale.

A new take on an old idea.

Modern, clean, fresh...

I, uh, sort of feel guilty.

I know how "old pale blue" feels...

retirement and knee surgery have rendered me to a pathetic place in this life.

I hate to admit it, but I feel rather useless and washed up.

As I sat there feeling terribly sorry for my lot in life...  it occurred to me...

I had used "old blue" as the pattern for all

the new potholders...every single one was cut from her.

The bulb flashed...

maybe that's

what's in store for me!

Maybe I can be a pattern or a help to someone younger,

newer at this game we call life.

Maybe I can help out "in emergencies"! 

I know one thing for sure, feeling like "old pale blue" isn't my style. (wink, wink)

Happy Father's Day! 

Self Checkout at Wal Mart

So I almost had a meltdown in Wal Mart this morning...what in the world?!

I was returning some shorts that were too big..for Ryan, not me and before I knew what was happening, tears welled up.

I keep looking around every where I go and thinking to myself,

"In a few weeks, my life as I've known it for over 30 years is coming to a close."

Retirement should be a happy time...

new roads to travel, spare time to fill and new canvases to paint.

Why the long face?

It happened at the Self Checkout.

This is pitiful to admit, but I have never (and I mean that seriously) had time, when shopping in Wal Mart, to learn how to operate the Self Checkout. This morning, I did. It was early and there were no shoppers in sight...the only checkout I was close to was the Self one and the lady wouldn't take me except I do it myself. At first, I was ticked off, but then she came by my side and helped me step by step. She was so nice and told me they were getting more self check outs...she said, "Guess they won't need to hire so many of us then."

For some reason that just hurt me for her.

Tears welled and I had no idea how to answer that and I stupidly said, "Thank you for helping me. This is like pumping gasoline for the first time."

She replied, "It IS, isn't it? Well, you have a good day now,ok?"
I wondered if she would have one...a good day, a good life, I mean.

Life moves on, doesn't it?

Self Checkout is just one more thing to add to the "I learned to do this today" column. Retirement will be the same, I suppose. One more thing I learned to handle. Don't get me wrong...it's what I truly want and need to do, but it, like pumping your first tank of gas, is a little unsettling. My friend, Emily, said it will take me 3-4 months not to feel tired anymore. And my friend, Libby said it would take me longer than that not to always "feel" like I should be doing something.

What a feeling...I DON'T HAVE TO BE SOMEWHERE OR BE DOING SOMETHING I'VE BEEN ASSIGNED TO DO! That seems,well, just sort of unnatural. Can I adjust?

All bets are off...I hope so.