I know my limitations. As I've aged, I've come face to face with what I absolutely CANNOT and can do. Directing a wedding is one of those CANNOTS....however, for my niece I acquiesced. Very small wedding, not many attendants...I took on the challenge.
Now, if you've never directed traffic at rush hour in NYC then do NOT ever criticize a Wedding Director. For no matter how small or how large the ceremony, it is a mine field. EVERYONE is tired, EVERYONE is ready to get the show on the road and there is the Director...standing in the middle of the lion's den, whip in hand, trying to get everyone from the 80+ year old grandparents to the 4 year old ringbearer down the aisle in some semblance of order...all the while trying to keep the random Chihauhau from running down the aisle too. (Now, I'm not saying these things occurred at this wedding...we had no ringbearer...I'm just saying...)
So off we go to a beautiful little church in the country...only, "we" picked the most humid day of this century with a slight chance of rain. Which brings me to another problem. Polyester pants...now I know you are horrified and wonder why on earth do you wear them? Let me explain...they are wrinkle free, have an elastic waist and will last for at least 15 years. There is one prob...on a July day when the temperature is soaring, the feeling you have in your polyesters is much like, well...let's just say that I have great respect for a link sausage that is being fried.
A few minutes before the Bridal party entrance, I decided to run to the ladies' room. I had minutes to spare..no big deal. However, all churches have their little quirks and not knowing anything about this one proved almost to be my downfall. Did I mention that my new black knee brace had lots of velcro on it and makes wearing polyesters a little more challenging...so after readjusting all my garments..I headed for the door...only the door wouldn't open. (This is the absolute truth.) I pulled, I yanked, I checked my watch....OMgosh...I was locked in. At first I timidly knocked on the door...didn't want to get the kitchen ladies all in a twirl...oh, I forgot they were heading to the sanctuary...then I pounded...I had visions of having to take the bathroom's shelving unit and use it as battering ram to free myself. Finally, I just did it...I screamed..."HELP, HELP, I can't get out!" Nothing. Nobody.
Time was a ticking...I pounded and screamed and finally I heard a lady say, "There's somebody locked in the bathroom.." "YES and it's the WEDDING DIRECTOR," I shrieked. So with several huge thuds that door popped open and I was a free woman. I sprinted to the front of the church and began the party's entrance. As I ran out, I heard the lady say, "She must not have read the sign." (Which I might add was on a 3 by 3 inch sticky note on the door in an unlit hall.) Now, maybe it's just me but I think that info might should be placed on a large blinking sign in the entrance to the fellowship hall. "If you don't want to spend the rest of the day locked in the ladies' restroom, Do NOT (repeat Do NOT) close and lock the bathroom door!"
All ended well and bride and groom are on their honeymoon enjoying themselves...the rest of us looked like what you might imagine the battlefield looked like after Vicksburg fell. But so it is...you do what you have to do...especially for family. Happy Wedding Day, Amy! I love you!
So off we go to a beautiful little church in the country...only, "we" picked the most humid day of this century with a slight chance of rain. Which brings me to another problem. Polyester pants...now I know you are horrified and wonder why on earth do you wear them? Let me explain...they are wrinkle free, have an elastic waist and will last for at least 15 years. There is one prob...on a July day when the temperature is soaring, the feeling you have in your polyesters is much like, well...let's just say that I have great respect for a link sausage that is being fried.
A few minutes before the Bridal party entrance, I decided to run to the ladies' room. I had minutes to spare..no big deal. However, all churches have their little quirks and not knowing anything about this one proved almost to be my downfall. Did I mention that my new black knee brace had lots of velcro on it and makes wearing polyesters a little more challenging...so after readjusting all my garments..I headed for the door...only the door wouldn't open. (This is the absolute truth.) I pulled, I yanked, I checked my watch....OMgosh...I was locked in. At first I timidly knocked on the door...didn't want to get the kitchen ladies all in a twirl...oh, I forgot they were heading to the sanctuary...then I pounded...I had visions of having to take the bathroom's shelving unit and use it as battering ram to free myself. Finally, I just did it...I screamed..."HELP, HELP, I can't get out!" Nothing. Nobody.
Time was a ticking...I pounded and screamed and finally I heard a lady say, "There's somebody locked in the bathroom.." "YES and it's the WEDDING DIRECTOR," I shrieked. So with several huge thuds that door popped open and I was a free woman. I sprinted to the front of the church and began the party's entrance. As I ran out, I heard the lady say, "She must not have read the sign." (Which I might add was on a 3 by 3 inch sticky note on the door in an unlit hall.) Now, maybe it's just me but I think that info might should be placed on a large blinking sign in the entrance to the fellowship hall. "If you don't want to spend the rest of the day locked in the ladies' restroom, Do NOT (repeat Do NOT) close and lock the bathroom door!"
All ended well and bride and groom are on their honeymoon enjoying themselves...the rest of us looked like what you might imagine the battlefield looked like after Vicksburg fell. But so it is...you do what you have to do...especially for family. Happy Wedding Day, Amy! I love you!
6 comments:
You are such a great storyteller! I could just picture the entire scene. Gotta love little country churches. Glad you were able to "escape" in time. I'm sure everything was just beautiful. Thanks for the early morning smile!
Were it not for the Wedding Director/ Referee things could have turned into for example- a free for all!!!! In so many ways! She did keep things light and in order even at a whirling pace we had not expected. Kinda like You are now pronounced man and wife and would you like fries with that marriage license!!! Eat, clean, and we are out of here! Thank you Angie!!! We love you more than you know.
Sorry Angela, but this was too funny! I know it was not suppose to be funny but I can't help but laugh. Not because you were locked in but just the way you tell the story! So glad you got out and I know the wedding was just perfect with you directing it! :0)
Sorry Angela, but this was too funny! I know it was not suppose to be funny but I can't help but laugh. Not because you were locked in but just the way you tell the story! So glad you got out and I know the wedding was just perfect with you directing it! :0)
My tummy hurts from a severe case of the giggles, but I too can somewhat relate. I (wedding dir.) fell on the walk with highheel shoe heel stuck in joint!!!! My body was attached to the shoe and the knee was minus any skin. Ruined my new expensive suit and had a top lip the size of Texas along with a black eye. I hid in the kitchen and barked orders to the help. NEVER AGAIN. Bride neice Jeannie never was aware but luckily still married. A miracle in itself! ;{ Jan
Hilarious and I can just picture it! sounded kind of like a Seinfeld episode!
Love the square wreaths? You make those?
AB
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